Friday, December 09, 2005

Its because of days like today...

Ya class and I spent 3 months reading the first two books of the Chronicles....back then all going to see the movie was just a was almost my way of bribing them into getting into the book as much as I did. As time passed, and we were a few chapters into it, i realized that kids don't need bribes...they just need (desperately) a person they can connect to. as much as i pushed going on this field trip, they didn't need it! slowly but surely we became CS Lewis freakoids just by spending the time and discovering his magical tales together.
if you know me, you know that i'll cry at the drop of a this may not mean much to you when i say this, but i almost cried 6 times throughout our field trip. I kept looking around during the movie to see the expressions on each child's face during certain parts. i loved hearing the kids who were sitting next to their parents, "Don't worry mom, it is going to be ok, i've read this, i know". I even had a parent show up today that has never made a parent-teacher conference.
when i see these parents come in to spend time with their child...or see how much that kid looks up to them it makes me think of my deepest have a huge family...with 3 boys and 2 girls...i always thought that was perfect, well, in my head it is..PLANNING a huge family...but i know i'm powerless (thanks to brittany for reminding me each and everyday when i get upset about things i can't control) over what God's plans are for me, and what he decides to put in my life, but i know either way, whether God gives me the chance to have my own kids, or if i can't, to adopt...and up until today i never could be truly honest saying that would be 100% ok with me. i would take any one of my kids home with me right now and keep them for my own. before i thought i would only want to have my own...this probably doesn't make any sense...but it think its God's little way of answering my prayers of letting him work in me without me fighting back or molding things into the way i want them.
God, whatever you have in store for me, please feel free to take command. thanks for slowly (because i'm a little slow) working in me to see that not everything has to be as i plan it...i'm not talking about just mistakes, but that things can be soooo great even if i don't plan them that exact way. i am so blessed for the class you have placed in my life at this very moment in time. you knew they would get me through my first year trying to do things for me to see you like they do all the time. i never want to get old and stuffy God. lead me to service you in ways i can always see you and serve you with a child's heart. thank you for all the people you have positioned in my life! please help me to let them know how much i care about them, even when i skip over how much i appreciate who they are in my life. i'm so thankful that i know now, and have a grasp on knowing that its not what you do in your life that makes it a fulfilled life...its reaching people through you in the small time you've given us down here. i may not feel like i'm reaching them academically everyday...but i do feel like each day they know i love them more and more, boundries i never thought i would be able to cross over i know i never could without you... thanks god.