I titled this post as if I had like hundreds of devoted readers...lol. This post title is really just my quote. The quote of the season I'm in. "I'M BACK" phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww it's about time RACH!
I think after 10 months of getting the hang of motherhood, parenthood, wife-hood, and jesusfreak follower-hood...i feel like i can breathe. I thought all of it together meant-PERFECTION...totally not..and it's taken me this long to realize it. I am not a perfect being..i am a daughter of the Most High God. wow, enough said. You don't have to be perfect when you've got that title before your name! I wish i could fill that in when I complete an application..
mr. ___ mrs.___ ms.____ daughter of the most high god____
I would check that one every time....
i'm still kind of marinating on this so more later!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I'm Back!
Saturday, April 04, 2009
help me Lord
Well, I've offically been a mommy for over a month. I can't describe how different my life is. I'm constantly needed 24/7. I thought being a wife was challenging-motherhood is was more. I'm just getting a taste of how God cherishes me now. I have a long way to actually "get it"...but He gives me tastes. We went to Colorado when she was almost 3 weeks....needless to say, I was a nervous wreck. The plane ride-to nursing in public (covered of course)-to letting a zillion family members handle her...i think I aged about 5 years. But I realized in it all, that she's not mine-God's watching over her, ready for her to live out His plan for her life....My worrying does nothing-doesn't make the situation better-just brings more tension in my life. She's so perfect, healthy and strong. I can't believe that God would entrust me with her....man can you imagine how Mary felt having to care for Jesus? That's how i picture caring for Abbey, that she has just as an important purpose to walk out. She's already brought so much joy to people's lives-my nervousness will only hinder that. Lord, please bring me closer to you-when I'm there I feel your peace-when I'm there, I know my family is cared for...help me control these overpowering emotions that aren't fully developed yet...just like you made Abbey perfect-you've also given me everything I need to be a good mom and wife-help me walk in that truth Lord.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Phasing out
I am 6 days away from my due date...I went to the doctor for my 39 week apt. yesterday and he told me I was still 1 centimeter and 60% effaced. I hear that is good for a week away...but I was hoping to be a little further along (centimeter wise). This is Gary's child-you think she would be waving and kicking to get out, right? Well, after the apt. I was kind of bummed. I just feel like she's been in there forever-and I just want to meet her!
The days of your last week of pregnancy seem to go by so slow. Work has been real slow due to the fact that I've been phased out. I'm in a co-teach situation, and for so long I was the source of everything for the kids (my co-teacher just returned from maternity leave). She's been slowly phasing herself in, and now it's my turn to phase out. Which leaves me sitting behind my desk only to stare at the dates on my desk calendar. I have managed to highlight any tiny activity i can for the last 3 weeks. FCAT is approaching, so we've been giving a lot of practice tests to help them gain some endurance for the test-so that's been really boring.
But I guess there is a good thing about phasing out of the whole job scene-I get to phase in full throttle into the mommy scene! I've been so anxious to get started...everything is ready for her. I find myself cleaning things that don't need cleaned, arranging things that have already been arranged 6 times, and checking my hospital bag every night just to make sure i haven't forgotten anything. If this doesn't build patience, I don't know what does.
So here's to phasing out of one season in my life only to jump into another! I'm ready to dive in head first! You hear that baby Abbey!!!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Being the Salt
When you make bread, and actually look at all the ingredients-flour has the largest quantity and salt has the smallest. But, if one were to forget the salt, the bread would absolutely be ruined. It would taste horrible. Even if you just miscalculated by a pinch-the bread would be trash worthy.
In Genesis, Abraham tested God by asking Him to spare the whole city of Sodom if there were just 50, then 45, then 40, then 30, all the way down to 10 righteous people. Each time, God agreed to spare the city. Now, the way I understand it, is that there weren't the 10 commandments, there wasn't Law, people just "did good" based on their heart's conscience-they were considered "righteous" even if they feared God, just a little. THere weren't these major religious people. So for God to spare just 10 righteous, these 10 people didn't have to be holy rollers, not even a little.
Personally, this speaks massively to my heart in two ways... God is not out to get even, or to prove points, or to quickly go after the sinners. Peter even calls God patient in hopes His people repent and follow Him. And number 2, He was willing to save a whole city of the worst sinners in the world (Sodom was the bottom of the bottom of heartless people) for 10 righteous hearts. Just their presence in that city made a difference in God's decision. Now unfortunately, there weren't 10 righteous-but if there were, it would be enough in God's eyes to spare ALL of them.
Just when you think you aren't "doing" enough...just when you think you aren't making a difference...just your presence is enough in God's eyes. We don't have to go and beat the Bible over people's heads, or drag them to church on OUR TIME-just spending time with them, listening, hearing their hearts is enough to God. I think so much of the time we focus on church being the only place God can work, so we serve until we're burned out which leads us to the point we are seperated from the rest of the world-because all we are doing in keeping ourselves inside the church walls....there's this huge bowl of salt inside the church-and no pinches of salt in the streets....i never realized this until my brother said he didn't think I cared about him because all i did was spend my whole weekend at the church. i never shoved anything down his throat-but just my absense in his life was enough for him to think that-what a horrible witness i was being...to my own family. it wasn't until Gary and I started investing out time into their hearts-just being there with them.....same thing with my co-workers...and I didn't have to do anything-it was just a pinch.
But all He needs is a pinch to create opportunity...with your family, your spouse, your co-workers....that's enough for Him.
Monday, February 09, 2009
just being real
i really appreciate real people. you know-the kind that understand-and if they don't, they just listen. it's a battle sometimes for me to be real, i want to have it together or know what to say-but i've noticed that if i don't, then i wasn't supposed to...
i wasn't meant to be here at any other time, i wasn't meant to be someone else. I was supposed to be right here, exactly how i am, at this very minute. this very day has been in His plan, no matter what choices i make or have made-it was all for this very purpose. i pray i can keep this realization of who God's made me.
sometimes i get scared of what lies ahead. i get scared that i won't succeed-i won't land a job that i really want-that labor will be too hard, or that i'm not loving enough to my husband or daughter...
but if i choose to turn my eyes off that initial fear and remember that i'm here because God's placed me here, and no one else-just me....it gives me the confidence to trust in His ways...it brings a sense of peace that even if i look at a failure, i can see it in a healthy way and not a destructive one. I can see a success in a humble way, not a prideful one.
i can love better....
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Count Down....one month...
I can't believe that I'm sitting here with a perfectly "ripe" child in my body....I can't believe she's almost here....I feel like those words are being spoken by God as well..."She's almost here, Rachael, I can't wait for you to see what I've made, what I've entrusted you and Gary with". Through this season of preparation-not just the physical prep, but spiritual, I've learned and seen so much I need to do and be for Abbey. I've had to face a lot of truth. I've had to press into a lot of Truth. I only want her to follow Truth. The excitement that we've been experiencing lately, I know is directly shared with God. He can't wait! He personally has the time to share this season with us every step of the way. I'm so thankful for the trials, because they've only turned into treasures. I'm so thankful we're doing this with God-I don't know how anyone else does it any other way...
