Hard to Reach Places

Before I open with some scripture, please keep Gary in your prayers. We just discovered he's got Tick-bite fever. He had a tick on him in Africa from when we climbed some mountains. We thought that was the only one, but apparently he had another we didn't see. Well, it got really infected and has been (thankfully only) diagnosed as Tick-bite fever. He's been extremely exhausted, achey bones, and sick-to-his-stomach. Doc's got him on some antibiotics, so he should be ok in 14 days, but in the mean time, we're hoping he's relieved of it sooner!____________________________________________________________________

"Let us throw off everything that entangles us, all the sin that so easily hinders and let us run with perseverance, the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. Consider Jesus, who endured all sin, so you will not grow weary and lose heart. If you struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
1. Do not lose heart when He rebukes you.
2. He disciplines those He loves, and punishes those he accepts as daughters.
3. Endure hardship as discipline, no discipline is pleasant, but painful.
LATER IT WILL PRODUCE A HARVEST OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND PEACE FOR THOSE WHO ARE TRAINED BY IT." Hebrews 12

I know i keep coming back to this. This has been my season. All i do when I go into a quiet time, or just need some peace, i just read this scripture. What God's showing me is that this is a time of sowing. I have to lay down my cross every day...I don't need to ask Jesus to lighten my load, i just have to lay it down and trust that he isn't giving me more than I can handle.
Things I'm learning:
1.I am not perfect-I can't do it all on my own (how cliche?)
2.Sin of all kinds will be present in my life, I have to choose to overcome it.
3.God is perfect and when i'm not looking at myself in the situation, and looking at him, i'm opening the door for Him to work.
4. This is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and I need to humble myself in order to hear TRUTH.

Every situation, every experience I have a choice. I can choose to blame Satan and never see what I can do or I can accept the fact that Satan is powerless and all he has authority to do is throw out stumbling blocks to test me. Sin can be mastered. My junk comes out daily. I come from a family that I like to call "surface cleaners". We clean around the area, never really getting underneath. So if you take two families, they both clean their house in the same amount of time, each on the same days, but one that deep clean and one that just surface cleans, leaving coffee drips, or particles of sugar or toast crumbs under the toaster, months could go by and you wouldn't see a difference, but later on, one house gets a certain smell (the surface cleaners) to it, while the other still has that clean smell (the deep cleaners). So, in this process to deep clean my CONTEXT (see post below), or my life, walk with God, view on the world-different stains are surfacing. I am noticing a food splat on the wall (in the pantry behind the trash)and now trying the best i can to clean it up.
Growing up, we didn't really deal with things. If there was an arguement (and I was at fault), my attitude (which was always bad, never taking responsibility)wasn't handled. There is some junk in my "house" that i never saw, until God brought out his white glove and started doing a dust check.
I always have to accept the stain, and pray that together, I can clean it up as best we can, and let God handle me. How do I do that? ENDURE. DO things for God, especially, getting in the word when I don't want to, or stopping a bad attitude before I let it start...Does God promise I'll be freed from that if i choose to do the right thing once? NO. TWICE? NO. It's a daily thing.
Growing is hard. Hense the name growing pains. My goal, my vision is that when bad things happen or i sense anger sprouting, i want to tell God, God, i'm going to do this without praying and begging for you to help...just knowing he's with me will be enough. When I give in and tear up, when it's over, i'm like, "man, that wasn't that bad, i didn't have to call on God for that"...most of the time, i've realized that God let's me seperate myself from him when I over react or get out of control in my thoughts. Jesus endured all my sin so I would not grow weary and lose heart, not to be seperate from him, when he distances himself, i lose heart quickly. I'm planting seeds-and I need to endure to make it to the harvest He brings...Reaping that harvest is something I can't wait for!!!! My attitude, life, marriage, and friendships will all change for the better...
BRING ON THE DEEP CLEANING GOD!