Friday, January 06, 2006

found and lost

Its always easy for me to hear what God wants me to do, or easy to follow the path he's cleared for me when my life is in shambles. I look up to Him, and (since I've been saved) has always made His way the only option. I struggle, more and more now, since time is really ticking, on what to do when I'm faced with a decision and my life is so great. To be more specific, I need to choose whether to move up to Jacksonville. God knows I want to be more involved in my church. I drive 30-40 minutes whenever there is an event or service, and also when there is time for fellowship, hanging out, or bible study. That's a lot of driving. I'm in St. Augustine now, right smack dab in the middle of work and church. What's more important, God or my job...Gee let me think....but i struggle because my heart tells me that it doesn't matter where i live, do i really need to be in Jacksonville? God's placed me in the BEST school, everything I need and more. God's given me ways to minister to these children that it blows my mind away. He keeps opening up doors for me in that aspect. I couldn't be happier in my job situation. Jacksonville's schools are horrible, a teacher's nightmare....but i know wonderful people who teach in those schools everyday. It really doesn't matter where i teach, just like it doesn't matter where i live. I'm still going to church, events, bible study...etc..but my lease is up in March, i don't know what my roommate situation is going to be, and i'm afraid. i'm afraid i'll make the wrong choice. God's on both sides to me i think. i've always searched for answers from people, what do they think? i'll just let them tell me, and hmmmm ok sounds good, i'll do it. but this time, i really want to listen to what God wants me to do, even though i want to call my dad up so bad and ask him what i should do. and either way i could be looking at it selfishly too! I want to be up at celebration to be near all my friends, not have to drive so far, whatever...but if i stay at the school its like, dang, i work at the best school ever, i have a smart board, personal laptop, any material at my fingertips, and the best class ever that i will have next boss is awesome. AND ANNIE, i'll teach with her for like 40 years.
God, please give me the strength to continue to trust in what you want for me, trust that you will lead me in the right path if i'm patient. please give me the clarity to decipher whether i'm following your way or my own selfish needs and desires. i know u want me to be happy, but i've asked you to use me all along this journey, so lord i just ask for you to work in me and help me to listen to what you want for me. keep the second guessing and the impulsiveness away. i work well with the brick walls you put up at times, and am so thankful when you make my choices few...please know i only want to do things for you, walking right beside you. HELP.