Wednesday, January 11, 2006

its been a while...

I haven't blogged anything real personal in a long time. I blame that mostly on the fact that i've started my PERU journal. After our first meeting on saturday, we were advised to get a journal and start writing down our thoughts, prayers, hopes, and information dealing with the Peru Mission. Immediately after church on Sunday, I spent the rest of my day starting my journal. I started at borders to buy the journal (yes i know i totally dogged out on barnes and noble). I found a simple, black journal. I then went to Michael's and purchased so many things to "personalize" it. Since then, each night i have been spending at least 2 hours journaling and decorating it. It has really brought out my gifts that God has given me. He knows i am not a speaker and i can express myself best through creating things and writing them down. I've been praying that our relationship grows more and more each day and that i become more confident in how i pray. The journal has really helped that. (Along with my 21 day fast that our church is doing together). I've really become close with Christ on this level due to many things i have cut out of my life. I knew the challenges in my life, and what was distancing me from GOd. I was actually very anxious (not a good anxious, more like the kind that makes u feel like you're going to throw up from being so nervous) to start the fasting process. I even had my parents tell me what they think i should do....of couse it was what i wanted to hear, "you don't need to do this, why dont' u fast with something easier" even my own parents were tempting me not to do what i thought was would have been so much easier to just listen to them, but i kept holding strong on my decision, the one god gave me when i prayed and prayed about it. THEN....BAM...knowing all the temptations and obsticles i had faced just in that one day, on Sunday...the next morning the weight was lifted. Ashleigh, a girl in my class, well her mom wrote me a note. She has asked me to watch Ashleigh's sugar intake, ash has gained 20 lbs since the beginning of the year, and was really concerned. I called ash up, and promised her (i decided sunday that all candy and sugar were part of my fast) that i would give it up too, no candy during the day. God knew that making a pact with ashleigh, that even when tempted, i would hold true, because i care so much about my kids. even when i'm at home now staring at the chocolate chips, it doesn't phase me! I don't even crave it...GO GOD..
next was continuing my south beach diet. it hasn't been hard so far, i'm pretty used to it, but the little cheating here and there that i would do....i haven't yet. I'm basically eating an omlette for breakfast with veggie juice, salad for lunch with cottage cheese, celery and laughing cow cheese for snack, and chicken and a veggie for dinner. I also have been running on an average of 3.5 miles a day to keep up with my training for the river run. my parents talked me out of the gaspirilla only because i've dropped some weight and they are afraid that i'm going over the past i have done things to that extreme and after praying about it, God really wants me to take it easier than i have been.
I am also participating in the fasting from all food on the first two wednesdays this month and the fri, sat, sun fast on the third week. So far today, it has been ok...not eating. i've stocked up on propel..i'm doing great! i haven't lost my cool yet with the kids, and have remained very calm...
certain relationships in my life have also shown me so much! I'm an acts of service girl, so what people say or promise me, i don't even hear it...its really what they do, what they can show by their actions. This is really hard to explain, but i feel so blessed knowing that the people that care about me don't just say what they are going to do, or plan on doing, they just do it. if they need to focus on God, they do it! they don't need to explain themselves or justify why...they just do...i totally respect that. it has even been a good model for me in my own life. i don't need to explain what i'm doing for God. I like just living it, and showing by my actions.
so lord thank you so much for bringing my attention to what really! your blessings this week have blown me away. please continue to give me the strength and patience when dealing with outside factors that are so small compared to you. Help me to support those around me by how I live my life...i know i don't need to say anything...use me as a rock for those know i gain the strength i need through you when you use me to help them. I pray this time of fasting cleanses not only my body, but my mind and soul for this new year. i know you have made our bodies perfect, we are incredible machines...knowing that i tend to take things to extreme (fasting, exercise, etc,) please remind me how perfect you have already made me and that how you see me is all that matters.