Wednesday, July 18, 2007

being the helper...

Knowing my role has always been tough for me. I always had coaches yelling at me what to do, parents who loved to guide, and never feeling like i really belonged. The only role i knew was that i was the oldest child and had to do what people told me. Over the past year, i have learned a lot-not through guidance from people who've been there, but from experience. Experience. Where do i fit in a relationship? I'm the woman. I submit, respect, learn control. What does that mean? Where does that get me? How does that help? As a woman, i just need love during hard times, during the curves in the road. Love, just give me a hug and tell me it's all going to be ok. Boy did i learn quick that that wasn't the case for men, especially my man. It's so funny too because all his qualities that make it so hard sometimes to get through, i totally prayed for my man to have even before God showed him to me. I want to lift him up, honor him, help him to be the man God's created him to be-even the thought that i may hold him back HAUNTS me. When times are tough, lessons are to be learned, doesn't he know that i'm trying my best to make life manageable for him? i love him!? Here's where Mr. Holy Spirit came into play---HELPER.
I am a teacher-i have class helpers. I do not lable a job HELPER so can have my 10 year olds telling me what to do or giving me advice and trying to fix everything. Helpers are there to assist. God places the man as the head-that is a lot of responsibility. God told me that it is my job, my responsibility to love him by listening. By being there for him, not just in the physical-mentally, actively praying, not being offended if he can't talk, or love me the way I need at that moment. I was on my face today thanking God for all HIS strength. We can't get through anything without being completely satuated in his strength and grace. i just can't get over it. I can't get over how perfectly he made us, but yet in times of trial, we can't understand eachother until the heat cools.
Satan is after us women-he's after us because from the very beginning he knew we would ultimately birth his biggest fear-Jesus. Satan can do nothing because of Jesus and God chose us to birth him. We need to be confident, and seek opportunity to grow in our roles as Godly, respectful women. How good is He!?
I can't wait to be married to Gary. I can't wait. The awesome thing is that he's learning as much as i am. He asks from me exactly what i ask of him, just in different ways....there is no need to keep score. I thank God that we both love Him as much as the other. I thank God i wouldn't settle for the first guy who came around, loving the Lord or not. I thank God for the desires he's put in my heart to be the woman He's called me to be.
How can He love us so much!?
Stay God centered and God focused!

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Gail said...


Can I just simply..."I feel ya, girl!" :0) On so many levels, I can relate to this post.

I was the oldest or four, I was always just told to do what i was told-without question. I was the "little mommy" to every younger sibling or cousin in my family. By the time, I reached my teenage years and moved out, I didn't know who I really was. Which turned out to lead me into a lot of heartache and drama.

When Will came along, I was not prepared to be a wife or a mom, which is exactly why we didn't marry until Alyssa was 5 yrs old... God had to fix my heart and Jesus had to take root before I could come close to really loving Will. The first few years together-and the time we spent apart-were very difficult. The same qualities that I loved, suddenly were the ones I hated. God had to have been protecting the innermost part of Will's being because after all of the emotional damage I caused back in the day, Will still loves me....and I love him more now than ever. It took a lot of "spring cleaning" by Jesus to get us where we are today.

I had never known just how much power, as a wife, I have towards affecting my husband's heart. It's scary.

I'll share with you a conviction I received the other day--- I have been praying for quite some time for Will to step into his role as the "Head of our home- to be the Spiritual Leader" that God created him to be. But when he finally started to step into that role, I blocked him. (Yes, i still have controlling issues--although I am nothing like I used to be) God spoke to my heart and told me that Will is not going to be able to step into his rightful role as head of our home until I step out of his way. The helper role has never been what comes naturally, but it's getting easier. And i will tell you that it's a lot less stressful when I am able to just stop controlling everything!

As with you, it is truly my desire to be the wife I was created to be. Thankfully- God forgives and so does Will. :0)