Monday, December 31, 2007

back in the USA

At our wedding, Gary and I decided we wanted our whole family to join us on our honeymoon cruise to Jamaica and The Grand Cayman Islands. In a nut shell, it was literally the first time i saw an answered prayer soooooooo in my face. Friends we invited who didn't know God, met him....intensely. We live with his sister and brother in law currently, in efforts to save money for Africa. THEY ARE SO GIVING AND LOVING!! THANK YOU LISA AND TARIK. Our lives couldn't be more blessed, i'm not kidding.
But during the cruise my god mother gave gary and i her time share in Saint Maarten for a week over Christmas...alone. We've never technically be alone. We were literally stranded on an island together alone. Left to do nothing!!! No laundry, cleaning the house, no internet, phone....i'm telling you sisters, God was using this time to grow us together and he used super glue. You wouldnt think he would have to do anything but whisper to us each day as we devoted our mornings to him. It was quiet and peaceful without us having to do anything to get it to be that way....but he YELLED. HE SCREAMED AT US! i don't say this because it was horrible growing pains or anything. but because it was so important what he was saying to us. i couldn't hide from it...i couldn't pretend not to hear. God wants me. Why do i so easily think the negative about myself. it effects everything i do. how i love. God was so gentle, i was floating in tears of his love all trip. he allowed me to see so much.....
I watched Gary grow....i observed. i battled with flesh...boy did i battle with flesh.
God's wanting to do things this year in 2008. Satan's trying to use me to get to Gary. He's attacking my thoughts, actions, attitude and even my dreams. All i've done is cry since i've been home. pray for me sisters. i know he's going to use it for good. i know he wants more from me. i know he could just pick up and use anyone else at any time, but he's given me this grace that i know he hasn't left me. pray for my husband. he loves god so much. he loves him with all his heart. he will drop anything for jesus and his cause. he attacks and conquers anything he tries. satan can't get to him unless it's through me. i don't know what my deal is....i feel spaced out and stretched in every direction and held on the ground...i'm going to soak in the word and pray i have the power to change and make the right choices (choose to hear the truth in my head and not listen to lies). pray for me please.......


sammie said...

Does it not stink that Satan goes after women? From the beginning with Eve. He hate our life giving force, our ability to nuture life(Eldrige) He hates our beauty. And he trys to twist it into some earth based flesh thing, cause its carnal and easy.

Little Steps Of Faith said...

Hey Rach:)
I hope your day gets better. Remember how faithful HE is!!!!
I am going camping tonight with my boyfriend and his brothers, and I think it will be fun; I honestly can't be left alone; I am not strong enough for that.
Anyway, where do you live?
We should meet for Beth Moore in March:)
I am praying dear friend:)

Be blessed:)

Elaine said...

Hey girl,

I saw that you posted on my blog. Nice to "meet" you! I found that picture of the Kenyan woman I was referring to in my post so you can see what I was talking about. I put it up.

Also, I read your post about how Satan is going after you, "even in your dreams."

And I just want to say that I am so there. I have never talked to anyone else with a similar threat. And that's exactly what it is. A threat. Nothing more. But I know it's tough because, in your thoughts and attitudes you think you have something to do with it. And so you want to get rid of the sin. When he gets you in your dreams, it's so cheap because there's no way you can't control those. Just pray hard. Have your husband pray over you. My hubs has to do the same thing. Most of the time I don't tell him about it. And his response is always, "why didn't you tell me?" He was glad to cover me in prayer. Telling him brings such freedom.

All that to say, I'm with you on this. I know exactly how you feel. You're strong in the Lord.