....

selfish, lost, out of control, hard headed, manipulative, easily offended, disrespectful.
when 1 was honest with God this morning, he showed me that i can be all of those things at once. at once......lord have mercy.
ouch.
God how do i share you? how do i love you more than my husband? how do i stop trying to do, and just be with you? how do i follow? how do i learn? how do i change?
a good friend told me that she was glad to encourage, but i had to hear life changing words from you.
lord i'm listening...i promise. i'm being still. let me catch up with you God. i just picture being all that you plan for me to be. the feeling of confidence...of knowing how you see me and not the world. you using me to speak life into others. can i ask for a perfect relationship with you? can i ask you for that God? if i put you first you say that the rest will fall into place. how do i do that without neglecting anything? show me lord. show me what you need to show me. i feel the transition, i know it's coming. my flesh is fighting it. strip me of this flesh lord. let me walk with you, that's it. just a walk. i want to be right by your side. i want to believe your love god. when i talk i want it all to be your words. allow me to let it all go and just have you.
thank you for strong women who love you and speak it into me. thank you for my husband who loves you more than life itself. thank you for your heart God and all you want to bless us with. and thank you for growth.