Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Throwing in the Towel

This theme has been coming up in my life over the past few months. Throwing in the up....Gary, praise God, has been there on a day to day basis to speak life into me, pray over me, but the most important thing is that he's been there to rebuke me. The Bible speaks a lot about rebuking the devil and his lies, but also know that it speaks about rebuking believers when you know they are wrong. Whenever I get into my slump (and priase Jesus that Stovall preached on this this weekend) we need to be able to step out of the hole we dug ourselves and start walking in victory. God already washed everything with His blood, Satan has already been defeated-so my slump is really my slump, i choose who to listen to, when to strip away pride, and basically repent of my sin of unbelief, yes it's a sin, not a mistake.
before God, and all the truth he placed inside of me through his word and miracles in my life, if something got hard i would quit and go another route...or just settle with being mediocre. My God given abilities (my gifts that i used without any effort) got me to the place where it was "just enough". If i senced failure, it was "see ya later".
Now that I'm a Christian, now that I have the duty to finish what God starts, I've been battling with old flesh. God's really breaking me down. truly. If He gives me an inch to make the decision of doing the RIght thing, I try my way and he knocks me down. LITERALLY.
I even see it with people around me. He's showing me who is WITH Him and FOR Him. And who is just with Him. He keeps giving me the chance to be apart of the WITH AND FOR Him group. Gary knows that I can do it, and he's cheering me on-but also rebuking and not condoning my bad choices. I get so easily angered that I think I can lash out whenever I want. Sometimes i don't even see it coming. I"m seeing it more and more-and the result is less painful. But my point is during this time-I have wanted to quit so bad. I've wanted to just sweep it under the rug. But He's so faithful, His promises are true! He never gives up on me! He refuses to let me lukewarm. He refuses to let me be like my old self.
He's sifting his body. I see it everywhere. LORD SIFT US. Bring your true followers to light. Cast light over your body. DO WHAT YOU WILL Lord, I pray we make the right choice to be WITH and FOR you Lord. Let us not be selfish or do things for you when we feel like it. It's like TD Jakes said in one of his messages, you want the best from us-and you know when it's our best. Let us give you the best praise, prayer, devotion and faith in you lord!
I've decided that I'm going to continue to fast and pray this year. I really am not a big fan of fasting (it's really hard for me), but everytime I do, HE BREAKS THROUGH, not just for me, but others I'm in contact with. EVERYTIME. I know He's thankful when I step out of my comfort and do something for him that is hard for me.
So Lord, I choose not to throw in the towel. keep my chin up-draw me closer lord. I know the only thing you want me to quit is thinking that I can do it all myself, in my own strength, that i can get by with not taking responsibility of my actions. THAT'S what you want me to quit!!! remind me that everytime i choose not to follow in your righteousness with my anger or attitude, that it's miserable without your presense. It's training time-and I'm ready. Thank you for the movement you are creating in all of Jacksonville, especially through our church. Thank you for our church God. Thank you that You never seize to grow me there-challenge me in the times that count. THANK YOU LORD!!!! Bless our church God, keep it strong!!!! It's in your hands!!!

"We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts. He gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to US!!!" Romans 5:3-5 we can't do it without His Holy Spirit!!!


sammie said...

Two of our youth leaders have lost their jobs, and today another one had a heart attack and is in surgery right now having triple by pass. Our youth pastor can't sell his home in Pittsburg and has been making the drive here for a year. Can you say warfare?

sammie said...

I sent this before but I don't think it went through Numbers 23:21 The LORD their God is with them; the shout of the King is among them. Is that not enough? These stinking flesh bags we live inside.

shell said...

i love this. just love it. i have been saying this for weeks and have been hearing in the voices of other believes who are truely following the lord-he is SIFTING us and we have choices to make. i know which side i want to be on but am i showing that in my actions? am i making him #1 in my life? thanks for being real and honest and authentic. love it love it love it