New Blog Direction

A few months back I wrote about listening+obeying+doing=his supernatural blessings. God's showed me, as much as my pride doesn't want to admit, that He really needs me to grow up spiritually. What i mean is, His supernatural blessings will not be given in His fullness unless I do things His way.
As you all know, I'm married to the most amazing "little Christ" ever (hands down!) I did not find him, I did not choose him, and honestly at first i resisted him. I like to look at it the way people resisted Paul and what he was about. Or even how John the Baptist doubted Jesus as he sat in jail-"is he really for real?" My closest friend can tell you, when I first met him, I couldn't stop talking about him to her, he intrigued but wanted my distance, because he would shed too much light on my little Christian life i made for myself.
Gary is very unique. Set apart even. And please don't think I'm boasting or writing this with warm fuzzies dancing all around me. It's not like that. Like I said, I didn't pick him. Eventually God couldn't get him off my mind-this goes way past puppy love. The hardest part about understanding Gary is that he just tells you how it is...not in his opinion, but from the Word. He comes across judgemental, but it's not judging, it's truth, and people take it judgementally because God's convicting him. I also say it's not judgemental, #1, because he loves people unconditionally, it doesn't come from him, it is all an overflow of God's love. And #2 because he won't open his mouth unless he's asked. He challenges people to grow closer with God to the breaking point. And over the past 2 years, I've learned that we all need that. God doesn't want us half in and half out. It's a black and white world-we either stand for all or nothing. He doesn't even read anyother books on Christian Living-just the Word. He'll watch TD Jakes or Joyce Meyer, and Ewrin McManus, but even then, he's very careful of what he lets come into his mind. "Everything had potential to hinder you or sway you into justifying except the Word of God". I was a LifeWay Christian frequent shopper, and I agrued with that for a long time....but i was finding that it was true. I always had to go back to the word to bring me into Jesus' upside down thinking again. And Christian books aren't bad by any means...Gary's just cautious. Everything for the kingdom should be done with excellence or it shouldn't be done. Gary takes correction better than anyone I've ever met. He is always asking, pleading with me to be honest with him. Pleading in his prayers that people will come into his life to help him grow closer to God. At first i took it as, ok, he wants me to watch his every move, he needs a critic for a wife. but quickly, well i say that because for me to learn something in 6 months is quick--ha ha. but i've learned that he has been trying to open me up to things past the surface...especially my relationship with God. God calls us to something deep with him. I thought i was just supposed to cast my burdens on Him, but that's not what it's about, but that's just the surface. So many come to God, get on fire, and then what? The next step? The second mile? THAT is too hard! I'll stay in my nice little comfort zone.
People resist Gary sometimes, and i'll be the first to resist...Gary comes to me sometimes so upset and hurting after someone asks him for advice. He doesn't understand why they asked if they didn't want the truth. I'm telling you, I want to make every excuse to him why he should just stop saying anything-but God won't let me. At first i would say (stupidly) "honey you are just too tough on them" and God stopped me right in my tracks. SOMEONE IS FINALLY SPEAKING TRUTH INTO THESE PEOPLE'S LIVES WHY ARE YOU STOPPING THAT!!! "BEHIND ME SATAN" is what i hear like in the story of Jesus and Peter. and this is where I wanted to connect it with supernatural blessings. Because of Gary's understanding and deep relationship with God, he walks in the supernatural blessing.
I have wanted to blog about this for a long time, but just have been to proud or too blind to be able to put it in honest words. And, obviously i thought i had to master something before i shared it with the world...and we all know that isn't true.
As a daughter of the Most High, Father of All, i come to all of you humbly and ask you to check your hearts with me. Can we do this for the body of Christ.. Can we partake in the Great Commission without it having anything to do with us? Without worrying or wondering or trying to figure out anything? Can we be sent to the worst of the worst places (this may even be in our own homes) knowing that if people were healed or lives were restored, or even a soul saved that it truly had nothing to do with us?
The hardest part for me is getting past that i'm right or i know a way to fix things or that i'm past an obsticle...i've had the hardest time taking the "I" out of the whole cause.
Can I step into my church or into even Starbucks for a girl-to girl chit-chat, and honestly tell myself that God could take it all away from me at any time and that i don't diserve to be there?
Women, there aren't enough of us walking humbly enough to know that we don't have it all together. And not to be "oh yeah, i don't know anything, god you've got it" no not that attitude, but the kind that is so persistant to seek his knowledge, the kind to self controlled that we can hear His voice above anything else (even if it may come from the most unexpected places)?
I'm learning more and more as a wife that His role for me is to show other woman the strength is submitting to God and His authority. I know this because He's pushed me to learn it so HARD these past 6 months. How many of you know that when something comes so hard to us, we want to quit, we want to give up, and then which leads us to justify that "oh we're not ready yet, we'll get it" or even "thanks God got it!". When He allows the frustration to hit so hard, trust me, He wants us to master the act of HUMBLENESS to the point of breaking....not just crying and pleading, anyone can do that. We can plead and cry out to God all we want, but nothing changes until we learn how to control what is holding us back from truly growing closer to Him.
Gary has helped me see it. It's probably been his biggest battle. God's allowed plenty of opposition even at the most crucial times in our life to bring up Rachael's pride, her need to be patted on the back, or surrender to lies. I'm not saying Gary never makes mistakes or gives in to things, because he obviously does, but he's awakened to the gift of self control and walks in victory when he is challenged.
God's all called us to something. I guess what I'm saying is that He doesn't need me-He can use anyone he wants....but I miss out on that blessing. I miss out on that battle. And slowly, year by year, my passion will die out. How do we keep that candle of light burning at the same intensity our whole lives, until we are ready for eternity?
We always have to be growing. I thank God I didn't pick my lifemate....i never would have come to this realization...and I can honestly say that. I would probably have come close, or maybe got the revelation, but I don't think I would have had the discipline to do something about it. Maybe attempt-maybe attempt numerous times, but not attack it like i know I should now. Satan is not after me-i've accepted that. he's after our men, the ones who are there with God, the ones who have the potential to live for God at that level, and the ones who don't even know it yet. We need to keep asking God what we should do, no manipulation tactics, justifying, or reasoning into believing it's about us. I dont know how to end this, and I know i've written a book-so, I think this is where I'm going to focus from now on on this blog.


oh yeah, Africa is in like 6 days....!