Godly Wisdom and Spiritual Maturity

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to full you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light" Colossians 1:9-12

Whether you've been raised in a God-first home or got saved 5 minutes ago, if you know Jesus and have seen his miracles in your life or in others, this scripture always comes up when I am asking myself this question: Why am I doing this? Why do I want to do this?

Paul was continuously praying for godly wisdom, eyes to see and spiritual maturity for the people he came in contact with. If we can't see outside of OUR desires, then we are decieving ourselves. Let me open up a little....

I love missions. I love serving people. I love getting out of my comfort and allowing God to use me as an empty vessle. When the opportunity came for Gary to take on leadership in the missions department, naturally he wanted me to help him. I was so excited!! But in the whole process I did what I thought i needed to do and honestly never really listened to what God wanted me to do. Everytime it came for Gary and I to work together on a project for the team, we butted heads, got offended and ended up in a long talk about what our deal was with eachother. I remember saying everytime it happened, "God, you put missions on both our hearts-why can't we work together". I see so many couples doing things seperate in ministry, successful yes, but seperate. They tried it together, didn't work or was too hard, and then found "their own callings". "What God has placed together, let not man seperate". I didn't understand that scripture fully until Gary and I went through this....

I had to ask God where HE wanted me in all of this, and I had to be willing to do whatever it takes to honor Him and Gary in the process. If God was to call me to sit and be quiet, i mean not a word in it all, I had to be willing to accept that. (Now, I know God, and I know Gary and after a lot of prayer, they both didn't want me to just sit there).

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father"

God you've given me gifts. You've given me a husband. You've given me the ability to do anything when You are with me. What do you want from me? How do you want me to use my gifts to glorify you? The world (even the Christian world) I see women doing their own thing....some with kids and some without-doing their own thing, yes in their gifting, but maybe on their own time, i don't know, but i see their husbands and they looked like Gary did when I would do waht I thought i needed to do....exhausted, worn out, in desperate need of solitude. God doesn't want that for our husbands. They have so much pressure and responsibility (the ones who have answered and accepted that calling from God) and we women add to that weight when we aren't seeking God or our husbands on what we need to do for them.
Satan is going to allow you to justify why doing this or that for the ministry is ok, he's going to try and blind you into truly seeking what you and your family needs by what YOU can do for the ministry or others through your own strength.

We stayed with two amazing people at Children's Cup. Ben and Susan opened their house for Gary and I to stay with them. Ben had the pressure of the world on his shoulders feeding some of his missionaries milk, still leading them in the pliminary steps of truly serving God. All he needed to come home to was a house of chaos or Susan down his throat about how she wasn't doing this, and God told her this, or the kids did this, or no dinner, and the house a wreck. Susan has accepted one of the most honorable positions at Children's Cup. She needs to provide a safe place for Ben to come home to. She has asked God what His needs are for Ben and how her gifting fits into that. This woman was born on the mission field and I am sure could have taught Ben a few things at first-but she didn't over step that in her own power. I know without a shadow of a doubt that she asked God and saught what he wanted for her.

The house was a complete place of rest and feeding for her husband. She is doing more for CHildren's Cup than an outsider could see, or someone without those Godly eyes. Instead of breaking Ben she's making him, patching up his wounds, nurshing him, letting him come home to a complete place of rest. She takes the time to explain to her kids why they do the things they do. She ignores schedule, time, and our American need to hurry everything. Her husband and her kids are number one and she doesn't just say it, she shows it. His kids are amazing, crazy lovers of God, who fear and respect Him and their parents.

So I ask you God, show me what you want from me. Show me how I can use my gifts. YOu've placed me in a school, I know I can teach. I know I can nurture. Show me how I can help make the missions ministry better than it is now the way YOU want me to.

If you have desires for something, I encourage you to really ask God what He wants you to do. You are in a covenant with God first, and His word says you must honor your husband or the leader in your life. This life as harsh as it sounds is not about what YOU can do. It's about what HE can do. Pray for accountability, pray for His word to teach you so you can see. I say this a lot, but my favorite quote by TD JAKES is "Satan isn't after you women, but he's after your husbands, your sons, your brothers" (He-Motions).

God wasn't asking me to take on Gary's responsibilties. He wasn't asking me to start up my own thing because Gary was asked to step up. He was asking me to trust Gary that he was hearing from God, that he knew all God wanted for US, and I needed to meet Gary's needs while functioning in my gift....teaching. My job, my kids....they have no parents-I'm raising them. They get Jesus when I'm focused on how I need to teach them. When I get home at night, they are on my mind. When you are functioning in your gifts He's given you-you feel the peace, love and JOY. God wants you to be happy-but you can't bring your own happiness, it's god to come from Him.