Sunday, October 09, 2005


I guess this has turned into my online "journal". I started reading back to the things i have typed, and they're pretty personal. I'm glad not many people read blogs or know about them. So those of you reading, be gentile. Don't let me know how much of a weinie u think i am. anyways, so many things happened today. my creative side came back to me today! i'm going to test it in my classroom tomorrow. i love feeling and knowing God is working inside of me! i had a super long talk with jenny today..she's such a great listener. I said some things about myself that i wasn't sure i was ready to say. but you know what? those events and experiences in my life got me to where i am today, and i'm so blessed that god has saved me by his grace alone. i dont' know what i would do if i was still living that life. i would value life so little. one thing is that i still would be a great teacher. i could mess up my life as much as possible, but i would never mess up one of my student's. they have their parents for that. today on the boat was so incredible. i'm slowly fitting into where God wants me to be. its so awesome how just by talking to encouraging people, HOW MUCH THEY HELP YOU REALIZE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. i got up on the wakeboard and took over. i never do that. i'm like up and down....not today. i was on a mission. (it totally helped knowing that alligators were swimming below me). after that, i was like, whatever...i'm just going to go all out on this one. i told jenny a lot about my past, who i was, or thought i was, the lost path i led myself to. and how i used to be so much more creative. i never lost my creativity, i just set it behind all the partying and havock i was putting myself through. i brainstormed with her all the cool ideas i had for my class with creative writing. she was like, man rachael, you are so creative, you should get involved with the children's ministry. i got goosebumps all over. God knows my deepest desires...he knows i want to be a church everyday. i'm safe there, but he wants me to keep improving. i know after many baby steps, i need to step up to the plate and place myself where i really can serve god the greatest. i talked to many older people about being interested in teaching closer to celebration...i want to give everything i have over to god, and i want to place myself where he wants me to be...eventually when the time comes, whether it be in jacksonville or the complete opposite, (australia, ha ha) i'll be ready. i just had the greatest day. i got to peek into kids quake this morning. i really want to be apart of helping our next generation of christians. i want to be apart of something huge all for god. i am going to miss wednesday's service b/c of my class and i'm totally bummed out about it. i can't be at church until saturday and it is really wiggin me out. its going to be like that for 2 weeks in a row! but i know i signed up for this class for a reason. its for some great purpose, who knows this extra certification could help me get a great job if i apply in st. john's county!? who knows...god what is your plan?