Monday, January 23, 2006

to use or be used...

i never thought i would say this, but DANG it feels good to be used! What an amazing weekend! I'm extremely tired, but it was well worth it! Each time i step out of my comfort zone, God finds a way to reveal gifts i never thought i had! in the past, i was used in negative ways.....for instance, i mentioned before that i would do anything for anyone, well, people would take advantage of that, they always knew i couldnt' say no because i loved knowing that i was helping someone. well, after so much of that, life was just sucked out of me, i was wounded and left to have a strong wall protecting my heart. when i accepted jesus into my life, that wall had been slowly taken down. i'm back to opening up myself again, and letting others in, because i have faith that God will give me the disernment when making the right choices. so anyways, lately i've felt so drawn to others....people who reflect me at one time in my life, before i started my journey with God. When this feeling of comfort came over me, i prayed that God would use me in any way to reach and love on them. He told me that my testimony would be the way to connect, gain trust, and be used. Not even 6 hours later, i was asked to walk around the town center and strike up a conversation with any stranger. We were told to just bless them in any way. At first i freaked out about what i would say, and where i would go. but then, calmness hit...i was led to a place where i was comfortable...pier one, oh yeah :) and walked up to two young girls and started talking with them. they both were covered in tatoos and piercings. that didn't antimidate me....i wanted to know why. if their reason for whatever was the same as how i used to think....were they self conscious? did they like who they saw? well that sounds cheesey, but i really was thinking that. anyways, it turned out, i didn't have to say much..these girls just started exploding with things to say to me about themselves. i just was incredible. when i returned to the church, elizabeth asked me what happened and i told her how much that encounter with those girls meant to me, and she asked it i wanted to help out with the female youth at orange park...i freaked out! heck yeah my heart said! i told her that i would def help out. god's just leading me in so many directions towards things that have been in my heart, just under other stuff that didn't matter...AND THEN, megan and alex asked if they could mentor me as they led a coed bible study starting at the end of feb in hopes i could then be able to lead one in the fall....that was the best news i heard alllllllllllllllllllllll year, including last year. i accepted and can't explain how blessed i feel. god is so good, and there is no way i could ever think about living my life for anything else! so God, continue to USE me in any way u see fit! this time of preparation for Peru means so much! THANK U LORD for all you have revealed and will continue to do in my life! AMEN!