Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Spiritual Maturity

"First shall be last, and last shall be first"

My flesh cringes at this scripture.... at least it did when i first heard it. and even for a while, i justified it in my head that this was ONLY the mentality for Jesus. I didn't HAVE to really think that way. I could still enjoy all the gifts and pleasures of God. HA. There's something about that daily communication with God. He knows what i really want. He knows what i am really capable of. One crazy night i prayed in a puddle of tears that I didn't want to think carnally anymore. that i didn't want to love the thoughts or things of this world, that i wanted to be prepared for the worst of the worst, the most intense situations.....He knew i couldn't fully enjoy him with only having half of him in me.
and you know when you pray something, cry a little, the next day you feel so much better? maybe even forgot everything that you prayed for? you just felt that love and protection from Him and that was enough? Well, God dooesn't forget......he started stripping away each piece of RACHAEL flesh there was. He's still doing it. This has been quite the process.
It really started from that prayer. He keeps telling me now that I can choose to go back, but it won't be the same. He keeps telling me, i could return to my old thinking, but i could lose everything that i truly love.
God has given me the deepest relationship i have ever had with him. I thought when i first met him that it was really deep, i mean i let it all out, he knew! He's called me out on a lot of things i didn't want to believe were there. Pride?! jealousy!? Unforgiveness!? Where did those things come from?
And isn't it funny when he hints to you to be real with him, he always places people or something in your life to constantly remind you what he wants you to do, like a sermon on that same subject exactly, like last saturday night, pastor stovall talking about being Christlike? Or God sending Joyce Meyer to your church!!!! Of course she spoke on spritual growth. He loves his children. Remember many are called, but few are chosen...He loves us all, but once you open up that door for him to work in your life!!! Watch out!
Thank you Jesus for an amazing opportunity to get to know you more and more each day. Thank you for you unfailling love. Thank you for your grace, the grace that covers over our lives..the grace that is the only thing that gets me through times where i know it's easier if i let my flesh take over. Thank you for not wanting everything to be easier. thank you for rejoicing over how we handle ourselves IN the situation, for wanting us to be like you. Help me to think, feel, and act like you Jesus. Help me to see what i need to see, help who i need to help, and close my mouth when i need to close my mouth! and most importantly thank you for jesus who died for us on the cross, even though i didn't diserve it-and then giving us your spirit to be with us where ever we go.