Why do i ask to see the end before I endure the process? How can i intensely feel the desires you put on my heart lord and then completely disobey your commands that you only give me to fufill them? Where does it come from? I feel like the demon possessed man in the grave yard. i know he knew you-i know and believe when he saw you he RACED to your side. I know that's why he was going crazy. he had heard of you, knew in his heart you where there all along, but still couldn't overcome his demons. lord, break my demon of pride. bring me to my knees everyday. help me to always have a humble heart, even if it means showing me who i really am. i know i don't trust you the way i should, i know sometimes i think i can do it all myself. i remember when i first heard your good news lord, you said to give you my burdens, that they were yours to carry. that if i just gave them to you, you would help me. lord take me out of the grave yard. i don't want to live amongst the dead....i don't want to live a dead life. i know i can never please you with just my actions or service....renew my heart, build my faith, do the things i can't do anymore alone god. please empty me lord so i can be the woman you want me to be. i want to enoy the suffering and suffer well....i pray lord that i can just become the woman you want me to be. do be able to use me and get me out of this repeated cycle of suffering from my own prideful reactions. it is in your name a turn these burdens and shortcomings to you. amen
Monday, November 26, 2007
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Rae,you are in good company with your thoughts because somewhere I cant remember where Paul writes about doing what he does not want to do. Stay in Rae, fill your waking hours with studying Him fill your night time with it. The word is so crazy I can not get enough, I get in it and hours are gone.
Sunday was so cool first you feel its going well then you feel lost then wham he just spins the room. I took them back to "Sunday School" little chairs little tables Graham Crackers HiC orange drink pictures of Jesus, they were so in it. God so works hard to make the environment right for us when we a young, to tell us He loves us and that He is love. We had 40 some kids and when Paige and I read, we dimmed the lights and told them to take communion and if they had questions on their faith to come talk to us. Rae I was praying so hard and from across the room this 6 foot tall 8th grade boy walks past three male leader to a 48 year old woman and says he questions where he's going. I've said this to you before, God knows who he's after, and the whole thing is about them, all the work all the presentation just for them. Rae I am writing this paper on Race/ and this quote struck me "The freer the individual, the stronger the group"
I'm putting the next talk together, its on "Being Chosen""Set Apart"no quiters here, no campers only climbers!!!!!!
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