Saturday, November 15, 2008


I can say that all families are matter who you are or where you're from-imperfections stick out like a sore thumb. it seems like, man, other people have this perfect family-or we trick our minds and hearts into thinking like there is such a thing. we hold these people to such a higher standard because they are of the same blood-but really they are just people, trying to survive in such a flawed world.
But that's where God stretches us, and for me it was being humbled...if we really look hard, we can see ourselves in the things that bother us about our family. i remember the first time i saw myself in my mother (other than our looks). for years i denied that we were anything a like. i would even resent if someone said i reminded them of her. but when i saw it myself- i sat in the car completely wrecked. I asked God to forgive me for all the resentment i had towards her over the past years. it was right then and there, He started to change our relationship. who encourages me now when i need reminding that God's in charge? who is the one to bring a positive light, when all i see ahead is darkness? she is everything i have ever wanted in a mom...but it wasn't until i allowed myself to be humbled did God make the move in her. don't get me wrong-she still is flawed, but more than ever, i know i'm flawed too, and we're in it together. i don't outwardly tell her that-but i show her by doing something she's wanted her whole life....i try taking care of her. i let her take off the "do everything" hat and just let her be herself. she's actually really an awesome person when she's not wearing the front....
and in all this analyzing of her, i realized i'm a much kooler person when i keep "my front" in the closet.
did you know that when i'm happy with myself, the love God has for me is even stronger? i didn't realize that not only did i push people away in fear i wasn't good enough for THEM-that i was too pushing away the one definite Love in my life.
it's like it's all connected-being humbled by God----->seeing people in a different light----->seeing myself as flawed, and that being ok----->seeing that we're all in this together---->opening my heart to love and be loved....
each time i see my family, talk to them or write, i have a greater appreciation for who they are. I am able to see (better) who they will be, just like God sees in me everyday.
it's like God had to humble me for me to forgive them for being them! Gee I wonder how many people God had to humble for them to forgive me for who I am to them!!!


Susan Rodgers said...

Hey Rachel, thx for writing! We're waiting for you to come, reminding ourselves that God's timing is always perfect. Hang in there! By the way, good blog. Thought provoking and motivating. Love to you!! said...

its good to receive Gods grace :-)