Tuesday, November 11, 2008


why do I always cringe at that word? it wasn't meant to be something negative. i'm learning the more i do submit, the more peace in my life i have. what is this life anyways? didn't i ask God to take it a long time ago? the only songs that bring tears to my eyes are the ones that talk about our eternal favorite is tanzania, by ali rogers....why the tears? because it's where my heart yearns for when i'm not hiding it from this flawed world, in this broken body. this world tells me to worry about myself-do what makes me happy...and that is what i had been trained to do..."watch your back rach, if you don't, no one will" and you know, to a certain point, if i look at it without God in the picture, it's true....i would be all alone, in a puddle of self pity. but I have God. in the toughest times in my life, i have Him. He never leaves me. He isn't people. He isn't hurt.
i think of my daughter...she'll be here in 4.5 months give or take. i don't want her to push people away, or hide herself from certain types of people just so she won't get hurt. i want her to have eyes like God does....and yes, even God gets hurt-but he sees people for who they will be....not who they are now. that's what he did for me....he still does!
i know someone who has the biggest heart for God's people. The passion this person brings to others lives just through a hug can out do a lifetime of serving in the church. it brings tears to my eyes to even think of the lives God's used this person to change. even when this person doesn't agree with people's ways, they still do what GOD wants them to do.....but recently this person was burned, over used, and struggling with what God had thrown their way....and couldn't understand they took some time away, but on that break-lost the vision God has for their life....stop believing they were called to be a world changer. each day, as my heart breaks for this person-as much as i want to shake em and tell em to wake up-God keeps whispering, "you keep getting closer to me, and i'll handle them". Then the BUT comes in...."what if they turn from you God, what if they never want to follow in your ways"....must be why i wanted to shake em and tell em the Truth so much...but the BIGGER BUT over powered the BUT that brought doubt...
"BUT I'm telling you to do this..."
Isn't this the God that changed me!? Isn't this the God who has completely WRECKED me for his ways for eternity? Yes, I do believe it is.
And it hasn't been as hard as i thought it would be...the closer i get to God, that is. i feel used and needed in the situation, as much as it's not about me. i haven't spent 50 hours in the word, or reading a ton of the latest christian books-but just believing in the outcome that God plans.... He's so simple....he really is. The less i expect to see from my faith and the more i put into it- has truly made the change. I see things more positively-which in turn has strengthened my faith.
So, when God asks you to submit to something, please, take my word for it-it's totally worth it. I'm not worried about what others think, or what the world is telling me to do either. I'm only asking for wisdom and patience-just enough so i can see what He's seeing. Believe what He's cookin up. IN an instant-God can change any earthly situation or trial....