Wednesday, June 29, 2011 EVERYTHING

i finally made myself stay up after this last 6 am feeding God! I know the little things here and there are hints you want me dialoguing with you. It's been such a long time since we really have talked or I acknowledged you. I figure what better place than this blog? I can't believe I haven't written on it in over a year! I used to have so much time for you and being persistant in the Word. It's not that I don't love you or care, but I have totally let my priorities go in the wrong direction. I'm not sinning or resorting back to bad habits, I've actually grown a lot. I want more than ever to be a woman of integrity and selflessness. You've given me so much to be thankful for-but also, so much to look over, protect, and nurture. How did the Proverbs 31 woman do it? How did she keep her patience all the time with a 2 year old around? How did she make sure her 5 month old stayed on a schedule and slept through the night? How did she show her husband that he came before anything in her life? How did she keep growing in her career and make sure the people around her in her job were better people just by being around her? AND HOW DID SHE DO THIS ALL AT THE SAME TIME?
I know it's only because of You. I know it's only because she put you first in her life above all. Above worrying, organizing, planning, working, and living out day to day tasks. It's so easy to just allow myself to only survive my life, by just to say, "if i can only get through this day, if i can only just make it to their nap time"
I'm so tired of living like that! I want to thrive, I want my husband to thrive, and i want my children to thrive! I thought when I woke up, I would end up giving you this long laundry list of "help me's" or "give me's". But i know what i need to do to thrive-I know how to take back over my life and not just try to survive. YOU....FIRST....IN EVERYTHING....
Presently, you have opened every door but one we are waiting on. I know it's because you were waiting on me. Gary has changed and prioritized what he needs to-and now u are waiting on me to come back to your arms. The only thing I ask of you is...nothing, you just did it. Throughout the course of simply getting up and writing this blog, you have put your truths back in my heart and mind, just like that. I don't need to ask anything of you-i know you will handle it. I know you are for me and I need to exercise my faith in order for the rest of it to fall into place. Tampa-here we come!!!!